Episode 05 - If It's For Sale Let's Buy It

The dogs and I are starting a GoFundMe campaign to raise five billion dollars. We have a pretty big purchase in mind.

We’re going to buy the Congress of the United States.

Get your credit cards out and start making your legislative wish lists, as the dogs and I plan to purchase one of America’s three branches of government on this episode of I’m Not Allowed To Watch The News.

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Episode 12 - The 2024 Election and America's Purpose

It’s 2025 and we’ve had another presidential election. One third of the country is in despair about it, a third is uncomfortably wondering what genie they let out of the bottle, another third is blindly, blissfully joyful, and I’m still not allowed to watch the news. The dogs, in case you’re wondering, are fine with it. All pets are Communists. They provide no output other than unconditional love and disgusting things I have to bag up and throw away. They live free off the state (which in this case is me and Mrs. I’m Not Allowed to Watch The News) and are unaffected by distant regime change. Since we’re not dogs, it’s time to face some unpleasant truths about America and start focusing on what’s next instead of what happened. It’s actually the American Way, if you think about it. We get our heads out of our asses, quit our bitching, and figure out the best way to serve the cause of the United States of America on this episode of I’m Not Allowed to Watch the News. Help us out: ...

Episode 11 - America Is Back At Valley Forge

It’s December, 1777. General George Washington stops his horse on the side of the road to watch his army march past. “March” is a loose term for what the soldiers were actually doing. Many didn’t have proper shoes. Most didn’t have coats or blankets. Many had to be supported by their comrades as they walked. The enemy—the British Army and Navy—had taken the capital of Philadelphia and sent the Continental Congress into exile. These Congressmen weren’t the heavy hitters of 1776—John Adams and Benjamin Franklin were in Europe desperately trying to get loans and alliances. Thomas Jefferson and John Hancock had gone home. The ones who were left were unable to raise money or keep the army supplied. Their priorities were foreign money and foreign alliances—not the army. And once the British drove them from the capital, their priorities narrowed down to their own survival. Washington had 11,000 men left, and they had spent most of the year getting beaten by the British. Their enlistments were...

Episode 9 - Ben Franklin Bets on America

America’s wisest old man was writing his last will and testament. Benjamin Franklin had followed his own life advice and been frugal with his money, unlike some of the more debt-ridden big spenders of the Revolutionary generation like Thomas Jefferson, who asked the state of Virginia to let him conduct a lottery in order to pay off his $170,000 in debt, which would be about two million dollars today. And this in spite of his free labor force and a number of high-paying government jobs. He had plenty of people to leave his fortune to – his son William Franklin, former royal governor of New Jersey. His grandson, Temple Franklin, who had been Ben’s secretary during the negotiations with France that got the colonies some much-needed assistance with that whole “give the British a whuppin’” thing. Sally Bache, his daughter. Benjamin Bache, Sally’s son. Or even his sister Jane Franklin. Everyone in the family got a little something. William got debt-forgiveness for all the money he had borrow...

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